Welcome To My World {it's crazy in here!}

It's a New Day

Obama, my friend..
Please be all that we think and hope you will be.  Thank you for taking a chance on our nation..for putting yourself in the position to fix this broken country.
Today is momentous, in so many ways..
Think about it people :)
Cheers!

Greetings..

Happy New Year All!  I know that January is about over, hard to think where the last few weeks have gone!  I need to get back into my blogging habit, I have had a few concerned callers :) 
These past few weeks have been so jammed pack full..
I am not sure how I worked so many jobs last year and survived, I really don't!  Now that I am full force in this job as director, it is all consuming..for sure.  I am bombarded daily with issues, classes, and of course..students.  And yes, it's lovely..truly.  But it's also overwhelming and pulls me in about 50 directions.  I think that with time, I will learn to manage it all but at this point, it is difficult for me to know when to draw that line. 
This past week I submitted all my graduate school applications, now I will sit back and wait to see where my path will be leading me.  It's a bit hard to imagine throwing that in the mix, but maybe it will help me manage my time better:)
My kids are fantastic..all is well.  If you don't hear from me, don't worry, I am still alive.  Although I am now down to a weight I have not seen in many years..and this is NOT from exercising.  It's my drink 8 cups of coffee and chew a pack of gum a day diet. 
I have pictures to post and many things to catch up on.  Friends and family.. I love you all..:)
Cheers!

Sorry for the delay..

Wow..sorry for the delay!  I was trying to blog several days in a row from this computer and it was acting all crazy so I just gave up!  Christmas, come and gone..and really, if you are like me, you are kind of glad for that this year.  I was just not in the mood for it.  Not one bit.  In fact, we did all our shopping the Friday before, which was really not like us at all.  Have not been in the mood for much lately..not sure what my deal is these days.  All of my normal routines are killing me and I can't seem to get motivated to do much.  The weather is messing me up..arctic 10 below wind chills one day, 67 degrees the next.  No wonder I am confused about life:)
Getting ready to head to Steubenville for New Years Eve..we will be at the Banks party this year.  These are my cousin's who have the son that we went to watch play football.  Looking forward to hanging out with family for the next few days.  Back to work yesterday and today..again on Friday..gearing up for school.  Getting ready to teach my five classes next semester and the best part is that I get to actually take a class myself.  I will be taking statistics in preparation for my PhD that I will start in the Fall.  I will be a real live student starting class on Monday.  Now that seems almost too crazy to be true.  And not to mention, it will be a nightmare.  Because it is statistics after all...
So really, in a nutshell, that has been me the past few weeks..even ignoring my blog..which is not like me at all.  But don't worry, I will pull it together soon:)
Here are some pictures from Christmas..
This is Christmas eve, and no..Carly did not get glasses, but she does like to wear these everyday as an accessory.  Yeah, I still can't find my glasses..

Here is a picture of Ms. J and Abby on Christmas Eve..they are so cute..:)

These two..I swear..totally separated at birth..really..could they look more like sisters?

Christmas morning..Abby was totally into it!  She was laughing and screaming at every present..saying "thank you santa!" so cute!  They were not so cute at 4:30am when they both were up ready to open gifts..

And of course..the party button..plays Kiss..Rock and Roll all night..Abby's favorite:)  Carly was pretty happy with her Zune and Abby was pleased with her DS.

Definitely my favorite picture of the morning..yeah..someone thought it would be a good idea to give Carly a Red Bull in her stocking.  She was hilarious..so punk, drinking an energy drink.  She is something else I will tell you..her style is downright obnoxious, but in such a cute, honest way..
 











































And the final pictures of the morning..it was apparently a hat day at Grandma and Grandpas..

Cheers!

A Bit Frosty

So, as I look at the temperature at the bottom of my computer screen, it reads a balmy 1 degree.  Yep.  Can't get much colder than that.  It's the kind of cold where you step outside and your hands immediately freeze.  The snot in your nose?  Yep..totally frozen, just like that. 
Good thing I bought myself a little something while we were Christmas shopping on Friday.

I know..sweet..right?
It makes me smile.  Because it is brown and it is way warm.  And today, as I prepare my application for Case, I know that I will definitely need it if I get accepted there.
We finished our shopping, for the most part.  Just not into it at all this year.  Could really just skip over Christmas and be ok.  But I guess we got to do it, considering we have kids and all.
I am looking forward to getting back to work tomorrow, getting ready to start a new semester.  It's always fun to get a fresh start on things. 
Hopefully it warms up just a little.
Cheers!

Tooth Fairy..BUSTED!

It was bound to happen..Carly is way to smart for her own good.  But she so caught me..red-handed!  I was trying to be so sneaky..twice.  Once when I got home last night and again early this am..here I was crouching down and she says..
"mom..I so see you".
ahh!
So I try to blow it off.."just checking on you honey"..
I head downstairs..she follows.
"mom, it's ok..I totally know what you were doing".
She then asked me "do you have ALL of my teeth?"
My answer..sigh.."yes baby, all of them".
"cool".
Now waiting on her to ask about Santa.
I guess they can't stay little forever..
Cheers!

Bad Blogger

Oh..so sorry I have been a bad blogger as of late!  I have just not been in the mood for ANYTHING these days:)
This weekend flew by..we hosted a party here on Friday night for my colleagues at school, Saturday was graduation, and I was on-call this weekend for the hospital.  So yesterday, I spent almost the entire day working there.  But really, it is rewarding to be clinical once in awhile.  The end of my day, I got to do a surrender and adoption of a brand new baby girl.  What a very Merry Christmas for that family!  And what an amazing gift to give for the birth mother.  We were a bit nervous because she was late to sign the papers, but in the end, it all went smooth.  I got to hold the baby for almost an hour yesterday while we waited.  Sigh...
But I'm good:)  I'm not running out and finding a sperm donor anytime too soon..ha ha.
On the Christmas front..we celebrated with Sleppy's last night.and Kendra, always knowing the PERFECT gift to give me..I just ran out of my favorite stuff..exotic coconut from Bath and Body.  There is was..so thanks girlie!  She remembered me mentioning it in my blog in June..yes..that's how organized she really is.  It was nice to have them over and celebrate our annual traditions.
Our shopping?  Still nothing..
guess we better hit it this week..:)
Today?  Grading a STACK of papers..not even kidding you..almost a foot high..and I still can't find my glasses.
So, coffee is my friend today..and a bag of chocolate covered raisins:)  My ipod is loaded and ready to go..
Love you all..
Happy Monday!
Cheers!

Christmas is when?

I sit here today and realize with horror, that it is December 10th.  I have not bought one single Christmas gift.  Not one.  Generally by now, I am almost done, or atleast have a pile in the basement.  Not this year.  Not a single gift.  Not even a list.  Nothing.  I really need to get motivated.
The house is decorated..good.  And celebrations have begun-  had my students over yesterday for breakfast.  My seniors never cease to amaze me with their love and gratitude towards me.  They gave me a picture album with a very heartfelt note..and really, I need nothing more.  They are all kind of in shock about it being the end of the semester..we are starting to feel the separation, even though we have another semester. 
Yesterday, a tree arrived in my front yard, compliments of a secret santa(s).  It's nice to be so loved:)
Friday night, I am hosting the party for my colleagues at school..should be a fun time for all.  Pre-school party tomorrow morning, last time for our winter one.  Kendra and I have been doing this for so long..eight years long..and it is coming to an end.
Anyway.
I am going to look at my tree and just try to ignore the date. 
And hope that santa really will come here this year and just take care of it all for me...
Cheers!

What makes you happy?

Have you ever stopped your self and thought "what makes me happy?"  I know we think about things like that all the time, and the answers that everyone expects immediately rise to the surface.  But really..what makes you happy?  I have been doing a lot of thinking about this very thing this weekend and I've come to the conclusion that I really may not know the answer to that.  This response, coming from a generally "happy" person may surprise you.  My life is good. Not picture perfect (which of course we all KNOW is true :))..but really, minus a lot of drama and controversy.  Which for most people, they would be comfortable in that.  But I think I am very uncomfortable with that.  The funny thing is..my twisted sense of happy is chaotic.  I thrive in it.  When things are calm, I am apathetic and unmotivated.  I need that constant sense of drama to keep me going.  Totally ridiculous (and I know Christie you are smiling and cringing at the same time)..but I love craziness.  I need it.  I am a junkie for all things busy and hectic.  I realize I am only truly happy when I am stressed out and people are needing me to perform at optimal level.
Things are coming to a grinding halt right now..I mean there are things I need to work on, with deadlines.  But they are not overwhelming me to the point of getting totally motivated.  When I think about what really is making me happy right now, you might smile..
music.  I am really into music right now.  I am listening to songs..every word, thinking of how they might apply to my life.  I have been turned on to music in a whole new way lately..even (gulp) country music.  I would like to escape for a day and just listen..
a clean car..LOL..if you know anything about me..you know my reputation for a nasty, dirty car that generally looks like I live out of.  It is currently clean..cleaner than it has ever been.  That really makes me happy:)
school.  I am really excited about going back to school.  What that means for me, personally and professionally.  I love the environment..the thought of learning more so I can become a better person, more educated..total turn on for me.
I also have to think about what that will mean for my family.  The change of it all.  It will take me five full years.  Carly will be 15 and Abby will be 11 when I graduate.  Talk about a reality check.  I will be 43 years old.  LOL.  But I will have accomplished the highest goal professionally that I could ever set for myself.  But then I wonder..what then?  Will I be satisfied?  Probably not..knowing myself..never content..always searching. 
Christmas morning with my kids..yes.  The rest of it..the decorations, music..etc..I can definitely do without.  In fact, if you know me..you know this much..I hate it all.  But waking up and watching my kids open gifts..yeah.:)  That's a big one for me. 
entertaining- I am excited and happy about this one as well..we are having people over several times over the next few weeks.  I thrive off of this..love having parties at my house.
Really..those are the things right now that I am thinking of..
but happy is a hard one for me..just when you think you KNOW what makes you happy, the whole situation is flipped and you realize that maybe, just maybe you were never really happy after all.  The things that make you happy are fleeting, so you are constantly searching for new ways to get that same feeling.  The things mentioned above..making me happy right now..but how long will it last, will it last?  Such an arbitrary thing really..the whole word, the feeling. 
So what makes you happy today?  Really think about it..I bet you might be surprised if you look beyond the traditional, expected responses..
Cheers!
 

And I thought I knew it...

After a few hours of driving and several wrong turns..we arrived at Case Western in Cleveland.  We met first with the masters program people, where I witnessed an interesting phenomena.   One of my students who is openly gay was immediately met with hostility by the black woman discussing the program.  Really.  I saw the whole thing happen, in the blink of an eye.  Which is interesting because in all honesty, this school, it is amazingly liberal.  It tauts itself as such and has the education and opportunities to back it up.  But I went into immediate protective mode here..because what I know about this student is that she is amazing, in every way.  She is the most unselfish person I have ever met..going above and beyond for her family in ways that most 20 somethings would never comprehend.  I was really appalled by the whole experience and felt the need to protect and defend.  I am good at that role though and it was an exercise in reality for me.  What she must go through on a daily basis.  She would never complain about it, but man, it must be painful to go through it like that constantly.  Where and when did it become ok to discriminate against people?  I am a social worker, I am educated, I am a woman..I realize that this happens.  But it does not make it right or ok.  Not at all.  How many people are denied access from dreams and goals because someone looked at them wrong?  I could see how easy it would be to just give up. To be so defensive.  But that's just it.  People already assume she will be defensive, so they provoke it and then it rises to the surface.  Of course it does!  The more I am around it and experience it first hand, the more I realize that we have done little to address it.  We are ignorant of it all.
On a positive note..I am excited about the PhD program.  I am.  I am thinking this is the right fit for me.  I will use this experience, my education, my position to try and promote a better understanding of it all.  A tolerance and a realization that we can't even pretend to think that we are "educated" and prepared for dealing with discrimination.  Not on this level. 
That being said..I am going to need a new coat, some boots, and a place to stay..
Cheers!

Is This My Future???

Today, I am headed here..Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, Ohio.  I am taking a group of students here on a "field trip"..we are checking out both the PhD and the Masters programs for Social Work.  I have always been anti-Case, promoting it as the designer education for social work.  Although it is a wonderful program, I have always had a heart for Ohio State.  And yes, I still very much do have a special spot for the Buckeyes..however, this PhD program..let me tell you.  I met with this group in Philly a few weeks back..they were AMAZING.  I got such a great feel from them, they were encouraging to me, a bright spot.  I never even considered applying here until I talked with them.  When I got home, they followed up with me, encouraged me to come for a visit.  I had to break my neck tracking down the OSU people and working out a campus visit with them.  So today, snow and I, I am going to check this place out.  Applications for both are due January 15th.  Sometimes, you are just guided down a path that is unexpected.  Something is leading me to check it out..
Yesterday was a reality check for me..my last day of lecture class.  As I sat there, listening to our speaker for the seniors, I could not help but be thoughtful and sad..thinking that they really are leaving the nest soon:)  They will be on their way to their internships.  Leaving dialysis was difficult for me, the relationships I had with my patients..seeing them struggle and die.  Being here is bittersweet on a whole new level for me.  I think as a social worker, with each population you work with there are definite challenges and struggles.  And I need to adapt to this area..even in teaching.  It will take me a bit not to be over involved..if that is even possible for me.  This group in particular..man.  They have been through the war with me.  I am on emotional overload about them, even if they are not graduating until May.  Things are changing..it will be different.  They are leaving me and going off to the almost "real" world.  I will see them on Fridays, but it will be different.  This is the group that stood by my side last year.  I am bonded with them through and through. 
Ah..I am emotional this week.  Drained.  Kind of I could cry at any second emotional. 
But I'm happy, really..:)
Cheers!